How to Handle: "I Hate You!"
You love your kid. So when they shout out, "I Hate You!" it can break your heart.
Find out why this hurts.
Are you hurt because of approval? Are you worried about what other people will say about you when they find out your daughter screamed, "I hate you!"
Are you hurt because of self-judgment? In your head are you asking absurd questions like, "Am I a good mom?"
Are you hurt because of dis-loyalty? After all you have done for her, she has the nerve to talk to you that way?
Are you hurt because you feel a disconnect between you and your daughter? You pictured her successful in her lat 20's. You're having lunch together, laughing and at this moment, that dream is dying.
When an action a child (yes she is still a child) makes you feel hurt, you can fall out of love. Yes I know deep down you still love your kid, just not at that moment. If we peel back the layers of the onion we find that at that moment you are wishing she would act differently so you could feel better. That's the real reason why it hurts when a child, (yes she is still a child) says mean things to you. At that moment you feel out of love.
From a state of love you would find acceptance, kindness, patience and your own self confidence. You stand there looking her in the eye in her moment of rage and you are unaffected by it. You still love her. You want her to know it so you radiate the feeling in this moment of need.
Isn't that what unconditional love is? Love under any condition. Even the condition of; "I hate you!"